Quick, to the slutcave!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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