I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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