he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
