yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
