3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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