Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
