Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
