new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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