You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
even my farts smell like vagina
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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