At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
