you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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