I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
