Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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