my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
