Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
