My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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