absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
