I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
and you fell through a lawn chair
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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