Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
