Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
