just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
