We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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