At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
is wine microwaveable?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
