i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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