I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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