I think I died a long time ago.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
