I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
