Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
