If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
