I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
