if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Terrible idea I love it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
