yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
