You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
