I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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