Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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