I cannot find my penis.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
