you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
