I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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