i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
