My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
