everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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