is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I love having hate sex.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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