you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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