Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
