you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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