I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
