I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
