My sheets look like a crime scene.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
