I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
