i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
