So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
