Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
