it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
