Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
