I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
