You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
