I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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