He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
