toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
