Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
