I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
